I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
