you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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