there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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