when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
