I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
