i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
