I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
