it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
