wat bout pragnant strippers??
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
