I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
