Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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