I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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