Joe is yelling at the trees again.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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