DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
