Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
My cat gives me a boner
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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