you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
