Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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