I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
