Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
