Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
