My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
