I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
