As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize
