puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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