1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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