I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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