The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
