You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
