I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
