what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
birth control should be required to get into college
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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