you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Randomize
