Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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