pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Randomize
