god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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