Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
