I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
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