dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
