Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
