i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
