You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
