At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
