Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
