Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
