the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
