I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
So squirting runs in the family.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
