Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
