I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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