I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
