The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
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