Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
