Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
My feet surprised me
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
