and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
