It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
