What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
