Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
