I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
