I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Randomize
