woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
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