hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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