you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
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