Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
