So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
