I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
